Sorry for your loss Perry. It's an empty old feeling that comes over you when you lose someone. Be assured that time will ease that emptiness but the one thing that helps in an immediate sense is to be around friends and family who share your grief and you didn't get that opportunity.
I'm hoping that rather than being a deliberate unkindness this was simply a case of individuals assuming that someone else had told you the bad news and not wanting to interfere or cause an awkward situation themselves, .
Either way, hang in there and be patient with yourself as you come to grips with this loss. I hope it helped to share this with us here who know what it is, to be left out.
-Pete